Mouth-a-Palooza (Edited- 2nd draft)
Welcome to Mouth-a-Palooza , home of the very first taste bud nation. Here in Mouth-a-Palooza we take pride in our diversity from salty to spicy to sour to sweet. Some of the greatest taste buds to ever devour the world resided here. Not only did they pave the way for United Buds of Tongues everywhere, they discovered a lot of flavors that are still savored today. Allow me to introduce myself, the names Chubbs the bud: full time historical Mouth-a-Palooza guide, ex undercover taste mole. I would like to you back to the beginning where taste buds were divided throughout the mouth, battling each others flavor abilities until the competition was ceased for good. This is the story of the bud, the myth, the legend Dank Bud.
For years there was an annual flavor contest held in Mouth-a-Palooza where buds from all over the tongue gathered to show off their taste testing skills in hopes of winning the grand prize. Each year a different food was chosen and prepared in multiple varieties to assess the contestant on his comprehension of different flavors. The champion holds the reign of Flavor Master and rules the tongue for the whole year from the cleanest most favored section, the tip. Some buds have been consistently competing for years for that well honored title. For instance take Rodger Bud, Mouth-a-Palooza’s oldest flavor contest veteran. Everyday he woke up to the same intense routine from testing foods from A to Z in a five course meal, three times daily. He is nicknamed the vacuum for easily sucking down grub like a fat kid who snuck candy bars into weight camp. He would swallow fiery wings and spit out the bone, slurp sweet creamy milk in seconds and munch on crates of lemons without any quiver of his lips. Though he was considered the fastest competitor he never won due to the fact his speed blended the flavors together making it hard for him to decipher one from the other.
I know so much about this contest because I myself did enter a few years back. I was never the fastest, but I must brag and say I have impeccable taste. I could easily pick out the richest most succulent delights from the poorly prepared and processed with just one bite. I believed the knowledge I required on variety was not like any other bud I have known. Now, you may be thinking to yourself if I was all that I say I am then how come I never did win? Well, I was discovered and manipulated from another flavor competitor, Slice-em-Dice-em Charlie a week before the contest. He offered me a great amount of money and a sliver of the prize to drop out and become his assistant as a permanent taste bud spy. With greed consuming my brain, I began doubting my ability to win on my own and pulled out of the competition. Slice-em-Dice-em-Charlie ended up winning that year. I know this was not because he was the true Flavor Master, but because I presented him with the weaknesses of all the other contestants. Since that day he kept the title of Flavor Master for five years straight with ease until the sixth year when it seemed like it wasn’t going to go as smoothly. For there was a lot of gossip throughout the mouth that Chuck Norris of buds just moved to the tongue, and he went by the name of Dank.
Right away I knew my mission and knew that this would be the most vital one yet. My search started off pretty dry for I knew nothing about this mysterious Dank Bud besides he was super dense and had an undeniable aroma. I thought to myself he sounds hardly a threat but the way the entire tongue was speaking of him I knew there had to be more than what meets the eye. So I grabbed my video camera and stopped by the local 7-ll to grab a pretzel, because everyone knows you simply can not work on an empty stomach, when I was stopped dead in my tracks. I stood there in awe; never have seen anything remarkably close to this. Standing in front of me was a giant taste bud woofing down a 100 hotdogs a minute and washing them down with an endless supply of sugary syrup filled slurpees. Not only did he have momentum but he was describing the tastes to a tee. This bud could even tell which food coloring and number was in every different food he came across. This gave me a hunch that this was the man we were looking for, this was ‘The Dank Bud’. With the contest quickly approaching in 2 days I got my footage and rushed back to my office to tell Slice-em-Dice-em-Charlie the news. After the both of us had studied the tape for almost 48 hours we could not pick up on the slightest flaw. Slice-em-Dice-em-Charlie for the first time was nervously salivating, knowing that if he wanted to protect his name as Flavor Master he was going to have to do it fair and square.
When the day of the contest finally arrived the mystery food was revealed…. Ice-cream! The contestants were all blindfolded and presented with 50 different flavors ranging from Graham Slam Chocolate Chip Jam to Mint-Macaroni Bologna Freeze. One wrong answer instantly eliminated that individual bud from the competition. The race started out sluggish with buds dropping out on some of the easiest flavors. They are the lightweights trying to make a name for themselves, but they have no chance to the annual finalist. After about the 20th flavor, more than half the contestants were stumped on the incredible flavors given to them. These judges showed no slack either. If a contestant was given Strawberry Razzle Dazzle with a hint of mint and missed that hint of mint, GONE! Still taste bud after taste bud failed to guess their flavors leaving them disappointed in taking down the veterans. It was not until the 39th round until it was finally down to none other than Slice-em-Dice-em Charlie and Dank. Rapidly approaching their 42nd flavor, Slice-em-Dice-em Charlie was thrown a curve ball with Pineapple Express Fruit Cake Chunk. This was a rare flavor that wasn’t famous in Mouth-a-Palooza and for the first time ever he was stumped. Not knowing what to do about this mysterious flavor, he had to give the judges some kind of guess. Dank on the other hand answered without hesitation and effortlessly won the title of Flavor Master. I have never seen the crowd at this contest go so ballistic. Buds flipped, pushed and tour down the building in there excitement of the new Flavor Master. Astonished, I with the rest of the tongue was just itching to know his technique and asked him how he trained himself so well. Dank, letting out a slight grin said, “I cannot share my secret, but I will say that it gives me this immense power called the ‘Munchies’”.
Word Count – 1176
(1st Draft)
Welcome to Mouth-a-Palooza, home of the very first mouth. Here in Mouth-a-Palooza we take huge pride in our taste buds. Some of the greatest taste buds to see the whole world originated here in this good old town. Not only have those great buds came form here, a lot of magnificent juicy, spicy, tender you name it foods have been discovered here also. I would like to take you back to the old days, were taste buds could walk about free and experience all he or she could taste. This is the story of good fellow who went by the name of Dank Bud.
Every year there is a huge, and I mean huge, eating contest held in Mouth-a-Palooza. Taste buds from all over the origin gather to either watch this massive fest, or if you are good enough you can participate against these yearly contestants. These taste buds are no force to be wrecking with. This one bud, Rodger Bud, has one of the hardest training coursing in the whole south of Mouth USA. Everyday he wakes up to a dozen gooey uncooked eggs. He gulps each protein rich yokes like a kid sucking down peeps on Easter mourning. After his stomach has something to work off of he really gets to grubbing. He eats a 5 course meal 3 times a day. Each meal consists of a course of appetizers of hot and spicy to get that heat going in his mouth. After that that be diminished he next course is absolutely liquids. Were talking gallons of thick creamy whole milk, Sugar enriched soda, and orange juicy so packed with citric that if a normal taste bud took even on sip, they would explode out of existence. Courses 3, 4 and 5 consists purely of a feast of meats, poultry, fish all the heavy hitters. Now that you have heard a little of this Rodger Bud I must add this only one of the contenders that is in the competition this year, and he is yet to win in over 5 years.
You may be wondering at this point how this taste bud knows so much about all these buds competing this year. To answer that, my name is Chubb’s the Bud, I am one of the most recognized taste scouts in the history of taste scouting. I travel from mouth to mouth looking for those extreme taste buds who think they can handle the many taste this world has throw at us. During one of my scouts in the land of New Moutha-Mexico, I saw a taste bud handle a whole bhut jolokia pepper. This pepper is rated the hottest pepper of all mouths. After he had eaten the first one with no drink after words he began to show more of his huge threshold for heat by throwing handfuls of the pepper in his mouth to the point he was laughing fire. Now I’ve only witnessed one other attempt at eating this pepper and that taste bud failed miserably. Two chews in, he began screaming water, water, water before he finally jumped in a pool and died. The heat and spice of the pepper lingered for so long underwater that he drowned waiting for it to dwindle away. It was a said sight to see but and even amazing more what this other taste bud chow down on handfuls of this pepper.
I’ve been living in Mouth –a-Palooza for quite a while now excluding my journeys, but in the last few years I have also been working for another taster. A higher taster and holds even more knowledge than I do. Time to meet, Slice em Dice em Charlie. Charlie was given his position due to all the past Mouth-a-Palooza contest he won. He was considered a breakthrough for all the new taste and challenges this bud discovered. Unfortunately, I’ve been stuck working for this man who using my scouting reports to his advantage. I scout all day everyday for Slice em Dice em Charlie to steal and use against his opponents. Some of the best Tasters have probably lost to previous years of my scouting reports getting to Charlie. Let’s keep that on the down low too, if possible, a lot people would be angry if they found out what I’ve been doing.
I just got home about week before the contest was scheduled to start and Charlie has a scouting mission for me to work on the whole rest of the week. There has seem to been some talk of a new taste bud in town who was supposed to take the contest to a whole other level. No information but his name, Dank Bud, and that he loved liquids was given to me. I had to find this Dank Bud guy only on those two facts. I basically staked out every drink shop in Mouth-a-Palooza to find this bud. No face to look for just a extremely thirsty Taste Bud named Dank. With no bites coming in I stopped at a local 7 eleven to get a pretzel. When I walked in and witnessed what I did no one was going to believe me. With out a second top spare I rushed out there to tell Charlie I found Dank.
I sprinted fast that I have ever sprinted before making way up the stairs to Slice’s office. He was in a meeting but this couldn’t wait. I busted through the door as if I were a man on fire making a huge seen. “Charlie I need to talk to you NOW”, is the only words I could get out. I told him that I finally came across this man who had to be Dank, that he has never seen anything taste like this bud has tasted before. I saw with my own eyes, a taste bud today drink over 100 slurpee’s in about a minute. Now I don’t know about you but it seems this guy has a pretty big thirst and it just had to be Dank. Charlie couldn’t believe it and I was told to bring back evidence of such a sight. Luckily Dank had somewhat of training routine and I was able to capture this unbelievable sight on camera for my boss. After recording I rushed back fast than I did the day before to show him the video. Astonishment just fell upon Charlie’s face because he knew this was the year he was going to lose.
It was Saturday morning, three hours before the competition, and Slice em dice em Charlie was scared. He had no idea what he was in for. The nerves started to get to him as he sat in his spot awaiting all the food and drinks to come, trying to work up as much of an appetite as possible. Charlie felt hopeless knowing what was about to come as he watch Dank in the corner being quite waiting to eat. Not even anyone in the crowds were away of the massive tastes that was about to explode. 3… 2… 1… EAT.
All the opponents started on there first dish of 100 hot dogs and two gallons of chocolate milk. Everyone seemed to keep with each other while dank sat there still quite and not touching a single hot dog. Just as Charlie was about to finish his last few dogs, when bam! Dank just devourers his entire plate of dogs in almost one bite, and just like that they were gone. When he finished his sweet chocolaty milk in what it seems to be a sip. Round after round Dank just sat there mocking his opponents while he let them all eat and he would just swallow all his food as a whole in the shortest amount of time. The crowd began to cheer Charlie’s name to try and get some kind of motivation out there for him to work off of but it was no use. Dank just never got full and was not letting up. Contestant after contestant dropped out tossing and turning from such a full stomach. Of course it came down to Slice em Dice em Charlie and Dank in the final. Both players were to finish out the contest with desserts.
First up was cake. Pounds of rich vanilla, double fudge chocolate, coco nut custard and any other cakes you could think of were eaten before you could tell what there even where. All the soft fluffy cake started to take up a lot room in the stomach so the ice cream round was about to begin to help weigh that brick of cake down. Dank still showing no weakness ate every gallon ice cream with pleasure. Dank tanked so many gallons of mint ice cream the room filled with its soothing aroma leaving that taste to linger for a quite a while. Just then it finally happened only the on the second course of desserts, Slice em Dice em Charlie lost. Dank who was eating so much food hadn’t even noticed the win and continued to eat and eat until he was pried away from the table. With Charlie on the floor Passed out from all the food Dank stood there victories. The crowd of taste buds roared loader than they have any year, from seeing what was thought to never be done. Slice em Dice em Charlie was beaten. After things had settled down I went up to dank and I think I know who he got his name. This kid smelled so bad, he could have easily taken a smell contest too. He was a walking skunk bud. I introduced myself as Chubb’s the bud and simply asked what kind of training have you endured to eat a fest like that. He tells me that he has not trained one day in his life for this contest. He just has something special he does before he eats allowing him to eat as much of whatever he wants when ever. In other words he claims its give him this power called the munchies.
